Blogger Idol Play-at-Home Week 3: Something You Didn’t Want To Do

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Blogger Idol Play-at-Home Week 3: Something You Didn’t Want To Do

Well my Play at Home got messed up last week with my computer crash or how I say it’s decision to commit suicide it was wiped clean and now I’ll start up again at Week 3 below:

Assignment: Something You Didn’t Want To Do

I thought about many things in my life I’ve done that at one point and time I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through with and have always lived by the motto that I never do anything without fully thinking it through. As such, every thing I’ve done that I’ve second guessed, I either decided not to do or did it with my full heart and kept in mind that anything I chose to do, did in fact at one point in my life make me happy and was done for a reason. With this in mind I’ve kept myself from regretting a lot of things in my life and I’ve learned from every major decision.

Then I thought about a day that broke my heart… a day that I took someone’s advice despite my wanting to run in the other direction, a day that I did something I truly did not want to do.

Background: I’ve had an odd life things that worked perfectly, other things that didn’t but there was one person there for me 100% through every step as I grew and was not only my hero but the person I looked to for every major decision in my life. My grandmother was my everything, the one that came to my aid, the one that helped me pick myself up when I thought all was lost and the one that gave me strength when I thought I had none. Once when I had fallen far and had hit rock bottom, wanted to hide under the covers she came into my room and pulled those covers off told me to stand up and never give up no matter the situation, no matter how horrible, no matter how lost I was. She told me that I must always continue to live and be strong that with confidence tomorrow will come and tomorrow will be better than today. I would survive and become stronger no matter what!

grandmaI bring you to the day I got a phone call while at work from my father saying my grandma had died.

My world fell apart, it was the most devastating thing that had ever occurred, the one person that could make me ok after something so tragic had just left this earth and I’d never again be able to ever have her here to make me ok!

After her funeral I was told I could take time off, to grieve and I planned to take as much time as possible to remember my grandma, cry my eyes out for her, scream, yell, be pissed off at the entire shitty world for taking the most important thing in my life away from me!

Then I looked into my little boys eyes and remembered every solid piece of advice my grandma gave me. I told myself then, I don’t want to continue with anything. I want to just cry and hide under the covers then I decided right then was the moment I had to do something I didn’t want to do. I had to listen to my grandma, get up go to work the next day and do everything just as it had to be done. I would not hide under my covers and hide from the situation. My grandma would have told me to get up and go on with my life and the best way I could remember her was to be the strong person she had always raised me to be. I had to be strong for my little boy and carry on my life. I could take the time off and sit around sad and depressed or I could force myself to go to work, continue on with life and do something I didn’t think I could do nor wanted to do.

I went to work the next day. I happened to have to do a marketing campaign with a few other people spreading the word about our company and had a pretty busy long day. I carried on and did what I had to do and just because I went on with my life did not mean I was not remembering her or that I did not care enough about her to stop my life to cry like a baby. It meant I was remembering her in the best way possible, I was doing exactly what she would expect me to do.

The day came I did something I didn’t want to do and that’s the day I continued when I didn’t think I could.

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