Feeling guilty for just hating it!

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Feeling guilty for just hating it!

I am so in love with my family, every bit of it, my husband is amazing, my kids are amazing, for the most part despite my weight fluctuations with pregnancy I love myself and well I’m just an all around happy optimistic love my life person.

EXCEPT when I’m pregnant.

I see women so happy during pregnancy… and I think how on earth can you like this!?!

Don’t get me wrong, I adore my babies, lol once they pop out, my life is devoted to them all and I’m a baby wearing, kangaroo care, breast feeding, bed sharing in love with every thing they do kinda mom. But while they are inside my belly I am lethargic, sick (ALL THE TIME MY BODY DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE AGAINST ANY DAY SICKNESS), in pain from pretty much head to toe, get sick with every possible cold being carried by every person within a 1 mile radius of me, have allergies, have asthma that sends me into severe attacks (all other times this mysterious asthma is non existent), my legs randomly go numb and even limp, my sides fall asleep as I sleep if and when I am able to sleep and usually 99.9% of the time I am thinking and saying I FREAKING HATE THIS!

No I’ve never had issues with Post Partum Depression, have not had issues with any depression, as a matter of fact the hating the pregnancy isn’t even me being depressed. I’m not a selfish person, I always put the needs of my children, husband, and anyone I can help before myself but pregnancy is just not for me.

The odd thing is I wanted a huge family, I wanted maybe 6 kids, seriously and I am stopping after my 3rd because pregnancy literally feels like it is killing me and after round 3 of this I just cannot physically take it anymore and am tying my tubes. I’m sad I wont ever have more kids, I am not however sad I will never be pregnant again. In the future maybe I will adopt or who knows I just do not ever want to endure pregnancy again.

Now after saying all that I sit back and in my grumpy state feel terrible for anyone who has ever had a miscarriage or not been able to get pregnant and I feel like a totally terrible person for hating almost every second of pregnancy. I feel like a kid who gets Christmas presents and says ugh I hate having to unwrap them I just want the gift inside. I’m aware pregnancy is the creation of a baby and believe me the little being inside is an amazing perfect joy and I cannot wait to see, touch, hold them but the pregnancy that everyone else sees as so beautiful is anything but to me. 🙁 And so I am left feeling guilty for feeling this way and it stinks!

I’ve talked to a few people that feel like this and I at least know that I am not alone in my thoughts and it doesn’t make me a complete weirdo but it doesn’t stop me from feeling like a terrible person for not liking what most women consider to be the best days or months of their lives.

Posted in: Daily life

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